I did more writing than walking today.
However, even on short walks, there are things to see!
(Delicate purple flowers growing out of the drystone wall)
Yum! If I were home, I’d make a little pie.
White lilac (more a tree than a bush), but oh! the scent!
a toy store decked out for last week’s coronation, complete with a photo op golden carriage at the bottom and the royal family at the upper window
I will never, ever, ever get tired of this view!
I appreciate the notes I’ve received since re-starting the blog this month. I was asked a number of times, “Where have you been the last two years?” Because my Writer’s First Aid blog is all about helping writers hang in there and not quitting and not giving up on writing dreams, it’s certainly a legitimate question. As one person asked, “When writers disappear, where do they go?”
So this post is more about me and my life than most posts I write. Hopefully, you will be encouraged not to quit when life “happens,” as it does to us all. The last two years, it just happened that a LOT of life happened. Some events were quite painful, some intensely annoying, and some brought great joy. In each case, I learned valuable lessons. So . . . here are main events since I disappeared!
Two years ago this month, at the time of my last new blog post, I was battling some symptoms (losing eyesight, exhaustion, hair falling out, not sleeping), plus I’d signed too many book contracts and was struggling to keep up. My mom in Florida (88) had had major heart surgery and other hospitalizations. Then my sister called to say Mom (who had recovered SO well and was even back to ballroom dancing) had died suddenly. So the summer of 2016 passed in a blur as we dealt with estate matters, cleaned out her house where she’d lived for 41 years, and got it sold. As those of you who have been through this process know, it takes a while to recover.
During this time, I continued to get sicker, but doctors kept writing the symptoms off as “aging” issues that I needed to accept. Not very helpful! I burned the midnight oil Googling symptoms. Long story short on the health issues: when you are sure there is something wrong and doctors aren’t/won’t/can’t order the tests you need, find an independent lab nearby and order the tests yourself. I’m so glad I did!
By the time I could convince doctors that there was something seriously wrong with me, I had had the lab work done, got a diagnosis, and started a treatment program of my own found through reading online, watching conference videos, and studying current medical research. By the time doctors diagnosed my main issue, I had been on a treatment program of supplements and major dietary changes and was starting to see improved lab results. Be proactive in your own healthcare! It’s an ongoing learning process, but I am thrilled to feel better now than I have in years.
I was writing a lot during this time, and here are the last six adult mysteries I have had published by Annie’s Publishing. [I had someone ask if this was self-publishing. No, it isn’t. This company does many mystery series, and I have written for four of their series. They publish in hardcover, and now ebooks too, I’ve heard. https://www.anniesfiction.com/]
I have thoroughly enjoyed writing for my own age group after only writing fiction for children nearly thirty years. The only mistake I made was signing too many contracts at first, not taking into account the length difference between adult and children’s books. That sounds like a no-brainer, I know, but it didn’t register till later. You can read about them here if you want to know the plots: https://www.kristiholl.com/mysteries-for-adults-and-children/
In April of 2017, I was gardening in the back yard, stepped backward without thinking, and tripped over a full watering can. I went down hard on our rocky dry Texas soil, tried to brace my fall, and broke my left wrist in four places and popped out my left shoulder. I avoided surgery but had to have three casts over eleven weeks, as they put me in traction and lined up each bone so it would attach. (I have tiny bones, without enough to attach steel plates and rods to, so I’m glad they avoided surgery.) They have a saying at the hospital: “crooked arm equals straight bone.” It was hard to believe when I saw the finished casts, but the x-rays did indeed show all the bone pieces in straight lines. [After seeing the shape of the cast, it made sense that physical therapy had to follow.]
I still had contracts to fulfill, and thankfully I had broken the left wrist. I used to enjoy writing by hand, so that’s what I did, filling up spiral notebooks and writing 55,000 words by hand in a couple of weeks. [I actually DID enjoy writing with no distractions that come with a computer. Your paper and pen don’t ding, squeak, ring or crash.]
Once the last cast came off, I had to start typing, but after all summer in casts, my wrist was frozen in a position with the thumb pointing up. I couldn’t rotate my wrist so that the palm faced up or down. I knew that the physical therapy later for my wrist would correct this, but in the meantime, I couldn’t type on a regular keyboard.
However, I found a new keyboard online that looked like something out of a Star Wars movie. It didn’t matter that my wrist was frozen in place because with this keyboard, you type with your thumbs pointed up. It is for people to cure carpal tunnel syndrome or who have had a broken wrist or wrist surgery. My speed was very slow, and I had to do a lot of one-finger correcting, but the book got turned in on time, and I took a break then.
I had had a lot of thinking time when in my casts since I couldn’t drive, and for a long time it was painful to ride anywhere in a car. It gave me time to think, to evaluate my frenetic writing lifestyle, and make some changes.
I remembered a book project that I’d put on the back burner for more than five years, one of those projects that you’re not sure will sell, but you’d love to write anyway. I decided it was now or never. Who knew when I might encounter another deadly watering can? So that’s the project I’m working on now.
The most joyous event in recent years happened just two months ago. My middle daughter, Laurie, was married outdoors at a ranch in Tucson, and she was just the most beautiful bride. All four of my grandkids had parts in the wedding. I try to respect my kids’ privacy, but I’m going to post just one photo of the girls and me. Our whole family welcomed her husband, Jeff, with open arms. Isn’t it wonderful how a joyous event like this can totally eclipse the tougher events?
I’m Going to Summer Camp! Are You?
Camp NaNoWriMo is a writing challenge that happens in July. It’s different from NaNoWriMo in November because you can work on ANY type of creative project of any length, not just a 50,000-word novel. First drafts or revision, scripts or stories or poems or essays… all are welcome! You track your goals based on word count, hours, or pages, and they welcome word-count goals between 30 and 1,000,000 words.
You join an online cabin with up to 20 other writers. It starts tomorrow, and it’s still not too late to create a cabin or join someone else’s cabin. I like small groups myself. My cabin has only two people in it: my long-time writer friend and accountability partner and me. If you’re interested in joining a cabin of your own, check it out: https://campnanowrimo.org
I’m glad to be back in contact with you all. And thank you for notes I’ve received this month after I resurfaced. Writers make the best community!
“Writing is not everything,” says Lisa Shearin in Writer Magazine. “And if you want longevity in this business, play isn’t just important–it’s critical. We get so intensely focused on having achieved the dream and working so hard to keep the dream going, that we’re blind to the signs that if we keep going down that road at a fast pace, that dream could quickly turn into a nightmare.”
I was very glad to read her opinion piece–and I wish that message was published more often. I wish someone had said it to me years ago. Having a healthy drive is good, but letting yourself be driven–by others or your own inner critic or even your perceived budget needs–will eventually ruin the joy you originally brought to your writing.
“Dreams are meant to be savored and enjoyed,” Shearin says. “You do have to work hard, but sometimes, the work can wait.”
Great advice, but what if you’re already burned out? What if–from overwork, juggling too many jobs and family members, a major loss, or chronic illness–your ideas have dried up? I’ve been there twice (previously) in my writing life, and it was a scary place to be.
Peggy Simson Curry spoke about this in a Writer Magazine archive article first published in 1967. She detailed the process she followed to “slowly work [her] way back to writing” and discover what had killed her creative urge in the first place.
I think most writers would agree with Peggy that fear is at the basis of being unable to write–fear that a writer can’t write anything worth publishing. Burned out writers constantly think of writing something that will sell. 
“This insidious thinking,” Curry says, “persuades the writer to question every story idea that comes to him. He no longer becomes excited with glimpses of theme, characters, setting, threads of plot. He can only ask desperately, ‘But who will want it?'”
Among other suggestions, this writer said it was very important to deliberately get outside, away from the writing, and just enjoy the world around you. In other words, play.
Coming out of burnout can be done, but it often takes methodical, small daily disciplines to do it. For me lately, it’s been watering the tiny vegetable garden my granddaughters helped plant and walking to a nearby pond to watch the turtles (doing nothing) and walk back. Earlier, when my eyesight was better at night, I stitched small quilted wall hangings, and that finally unclogged my creativity. Things that help will be different for each writer.
I feel the burnout lifting lately. I still tire more quickly, but a little trip to the pond and back seems to revive me and restore that “want to” so important in writing stories. This time, I am determined to keep up the routine, even when I feel better, and avoid the burnout path in the future. It takes less time–and is more FUN–to do these routines when you already feel well than to do twice as much to regain your failing health (mental and/or physical).
So take time for yourself today, even ten minutes here and there. You’ll be so glad that you did!
A couple of months ago, after being sick and traveling and meeting two book deadlines, I stalled when given some unwelcome health news which required tests and more tests. I got really, really behind on an adult mystery, and for hours I would struggle to write, only to throw it all out at the end of the day.
I was used to writing in 90-minute or two-hour blocks, taking a break, then doing it all again. I’d used that schedule for years, since I no longer have small children living with me. But sickness and burn-out had taken their toll, and I wouldn’t make my deadline at the rate I was going.
I had signed up to attend a Saturday writing workshop, and I was eager to be around other writers t. The speaker, Allie Pleiter, was to talk about her book, The Chunky Method Handbook: Your Step-By-Step Plan to Write That Book Even When Life Gets in the Way. To be honest, I didn’t expect to learn anything really new. I just wanted to be encouraged.
I got so much more!
Based on our personalities, our lifestyles, our season of life (small children, day job, retired empty nester) and our health, we all write in different “chunks.” By Allie’s definition, a chunk of writing is what you can comfortably do in one sitting, stopping when you pass the point of “this writing is good” into “the writing I’m doing now will have to be tossed out because it stinks.” She had a test for determining the length of your natural chunk. Big and little chunks are equally valuable.
Frankly, I was going to skip the test when I got home and move on to the rest of her book. I had to get busy! Anyway, my natural chunk for years had been about 90 minutes, or about 1500 words. I knew that already. But was it anymore? My writing life was certainly no longer working.
I decided to do the chunky test. (You’re supposed to do this five days in a row, one chunk per day.) I didn’t have five days to use for this, so I did four chunks spread throughout a day. I was careful to stop when I felt too tired to keep going productively. Big discovery!
My chunk had shrunk!
I wasn’t able to comfortably write 1500 words at a sitting. My four chunks averaged only 500 words, and my sitting was only 45 minutes. At first I was really dismayed. I was too far behind to write the novel in 500-word chunks. Or so I thought.
I had nothing to lose by trying this method of writing my “comfortable chunk,” then resting a good while, then doing another “comfortable chunk,” and so on throughout the day.
It worked! Before the Chunky Method workshop, my struggles had only produced about 1200 words per day, and sometimes not that much. Using the Chunky Method, I was able to average about 5,000 words per day rough draft, and some days nearly 8,000 words. And with the rest breaks between the chunks, where I walked or just went outside, I wasn’t stiff and sore or even very tired in the evenings. [NOTE: Determining your “chunk” is just the first step in the Chunky Method. I would tell you more, but I don’t want to plagiarize her book.]
Because I was writing so close to the deadline, I followed my own advice and got a paid critique from a writer I know and trust who has written award-winning mysteries. (Thank you, Mary Blount Christian!) After revising according to her excellent critique, I was able to turn in the manuscript on time. (And very little revision was requested by the editor this time too.)
So, in case you’re stuck, or you’re trying to write in the midst of stressful circumstances, I’d encourage you to buy The Chunky Method. It could change your writing life. It sure did mine!
Since I last posted regularly, I’ve written three books (two adult mysteries and one juvenile nonfiction book), traveled, and been sick. The holidays blurred by, to be honest, because one of the book deadlines was December 20th. Two days ago I finished the second adult mystery.
One good thing about being sick is all the time you’re forced to be still: in waiting rooms, in recovery at home, in the night. Quiet time. Thinking time. Evaluating time.
What should happen when you take a hiatus from your regular life? [Hiatus = time off.] Among other things, I disappeared from my blog, newsletter and social media. I dropped out of several things at church for a while, and–this was the hardest–had to say ‘no’ a lot to my girls regarding babysitting my grandchildren.
An article, sustainable trauma recovery: taking a hiatus boosts MOTIVATION, by Robyn Mourning explains a healing process well. Her three-point recovery plan included rest, reflection, and getting re-aligned. A hiatus can be months away from your normal routine, or a week off, a weekend, half a day, or an hour long.
How should you spend your hiatus, if you want to feel the full benefits?
Rest: take a breather, relax, stretch, just be.
At first, this was all I could do. I sat…on the couch, in bed with a book, in the backyard swing, down the trail by the pond. I wasn’t even thinking much. Not reading either. Catatonic mostly. Sometimes I walked rather zombie-like, appalled at how winded I was just walking! (I won a 5K race in my age group two years ago.) The walking and stretching helped get rid of the headaches and backaches from sitting too long. Being in nature is also very healing for me.
Reflect: become aware of your progress, what you’ve done so far, notice any big or small shifts that are providing hope and fostering resiliency.
I knew I was making progress when I wanted to read again and could focus and stay awake to read. I had a stack of fiction books (over 20) and nonfiction books (25) that had piled up this past year, unread. I also began to reflect on how I had managed to get myself into such a situation so that I didn’t repeat it.
Most of the problem was that I had scheduled myself with no margin at all last year. If NOTHING extra had come up, there wouldn’t have been a problem. But lots of extra things did occur, and being sick so often wasn’t on my calendar either. It was one of those “life happens when you’ve made other plans” kind of years. No one’s fault. My planning wasn’t wrong, but it had been unwise in the extreme not to build in any margin.
Re-align: get re-aligned (or strengthen your alignment) with your unique purpose, your values, your goals.
Upon resting and reflecting, I realized there were a few important things I had let go of when things got so busy. One was proper exercise and sleep. One was time with friends. Another included a couple family members I lost touch with. So it was then time to re-align. I used a couple of tools for this.
One tool was the book Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy, which is new. It came with many, many free online resources, including an excellent test which shows what parts of your life are working well–and which parts you’re drifting in, just trying to keep your head above water without being sucked down by the undertow. It pinpointed two more places I’d let slide without realizing it. Doing the Life Plan has helped me get my values re-aligned with how I spend my time.
The other book that is helping me get re-aligned is When the Body Says NO: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Mate, M.D. It has been eye-opening, not at all what I expected. I’m still learning from this one.
REST. REFLECT. RE-ALIGN. You’ll be glad you did.
Have you ever had the experience of driving a car which suddenly–and for no apparent reason–accelerates? Applying the brakes has no effect.
It sometimes happens with certain defects in cars, and while the driver can see the accident about to happen, he is powerless to do anything about it.
Many writers feel like their lives have the same “defect.” Symptoms can include lethargy, tiredness after a full night’s sleep, depression or free-floating anxiety without a specific cause, and spaciness. A writer with an unintentional accelerated pace of life has precious little time for the reflection and quiet “head space” needed for creating.
Does the description of this syndrome sound familiar to you?
The ever increasing pace of life is called the “acceleration syndrome,” and it is causing a global epidemic of hurry sickness. One of the symptoms is the dizzying speed at which we live and the amount of living we are forcing into our lives…Many “solutions” offered, such as time management and learning to delegate and prioritize, are having the opposite effect. They are actually increasing the pace of life, creating a time squeeze in which we are encouraged to cram even more into an hour. They only aggravate the problem we are supposed to be addressing.
What’s a writer to do?
It’s covered in one of the “dirty dozen” chapters that Caroline Leaf talks about in her book Who Switched Off My Brain (the chapter called “Toxic Schedules.”) There’s also a one-minute video segment you can watch on the topic. I highly recommend all her books. They have helped me tremendously with “detoxing” over the past two years.
Unlike the driver of a car stuck in unintentional acceleration, you CAN do something about your speeded-up life. And if you want to enjoy your writing life, you will probably need to.
Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
I don’t know about that. I’ve had some bigger agonies in my life than that.
HOWEVER, after several years of burying an untold story inside me, I’ve decided to take some concentrated time to get the story on paper.
I started this novel five years ago. I have started and stopped this novel so many times I’ve lost count. I still love it, but it’s one of those novels that isn’t commercial (no Amish vampires), isn’t a series, and isn’t edgy. But I love it. It stays with me every time I pause to write a series for someone, or teach a workshop, or critique a novel, or write a work-for-hire book for an educational publisher.
My novel is languishing half finished, and I’ve decided to take the time to finish it now. Three months of study and writing time is going to be my gift…to ME!
What will that mean? Several things. For three months (until August 1): 
Even when life is going well, the writing pressures, the marketing, the waiting, and the deadlines can make you dream of taking a writing retreat. Add in too many volunteer activities, caring for a baby, taking elderly parents to all their doctors’ appointments, and some days you want to run away.
Last week I mentioned a “book in a box” called The Writer’s Retreat Kit: A Guide for Creative Exploration and Personal Expression by Judy Reeves. I’ve looked longingly at it several times and read some of her ideas of creating writer’s retreats lasting from twenty minutes to several days, depending on the time and money you have available.
This time, though, I’m not going to sigh and put the book box back. I’m going to delve deeper into the retreat idea and try some of the experiences. It’s no surprise that I’m as tired as I am–it’s been months since I could take a weekend (or one day) truly “off.” When I read the following opening page, I let out a big Ahhhhhh! I bet some of you will too. Judy writes:
Getting away: the wish and dream and fantasy of every writer I have ever known and, I expect, of nearly every writer I will ever meet, except for those rare and blessed souls who are lucky enough, or determined enough, or rich enough, to already be “away.”
What is “away”? It is someplace else. It is the place that each of us craves, and when we close our eyes, comes to us in all its wooded shadiness or vast, unending blueness. We visualize a mountain cabin; a cottage by the sea; a secret, hidden monastery; a wide-decked, windowed, pillowed, sweet-smelling, abundant, nurturing, solitary place where there are no “musts” or “have tos” or “shoulds.” No dishes to do or phones to answer or children/mates/partners with whom we must interact. No set time to start or stop, to wake up or go to sleep. No television. No email. No deadlines. No place to drive to. It is simply a place to be.
“Away” is generally where we long to be as we arm wrestle the elements of our daily lives to make time for our writing and for that private and soulful part of us that we long to be with but so often set aside.
It is not that we don’t love our lives; we do. Mostly. And we love the people in our lives — family and friends — and the work we do that allows us to afford the lives we mostly love. But sometimes it’s a little too much for a little too long.
What we want is to get away for a little while. We don’t want to just go on vacation, but to a place we go alone, or maybe with a few like-minded souls who also want to be alone, but in an alone/together way. To renew and refresh and explore and create and refill. To retreat. And to write.
A writing retreat.
Maybe it will be a place you rent. Maybe it will be a free picnic table in a park. Maybe it will be your own backyard swing.
The inner pressure is building. I’m about ready to run!
I got home late last night from the Highlights Foundation’s “Sharing Our Hope” workshop, where I did a lot of preaching about the importance of self-care for writers and how absolutely critical it is to our writing lives.
We had a marvelous time together and forged new friendships. Even so, after “giving out” for several days, I’m exhausted this morning and slightly under the weather.
I started right in on my to-do list, which managed to grow considerably even when I was gone. But I felt over-whelmed. Then my own voice came back to me from a talk on Saturday on self-care for writers. The voice was clear: “Practice what you preach!”
So I read some of my own blog posts and reminded myself of a few things I already knew. Thanks to “Mood-Dependent Writing Stages,” I have decided to tackle some rote-writing and prewriting tasks that need to be done. They won’t require nearly so much psychic energy as what I had planned to do.
And after re-reading “Writer Diagnosis: Failure to Thrive,” I saw how I could get from “languishing” to “flourishing” today. I needed that middle step–nourishing–in a couple of different areas. I plan to actually DO them!
I think today’s writers are some of the most educated writers ever seen. But we’re not especially good at doing what we know is the wisest thing to do.
I am guilty of that too frequently. At least for today, I’m going to change that!
By any chance, is there some area of your writing life where you “know better,” but you also need to follow through? Be brave and leave a comment!
What if you’re tired of your non-writing rut, but you can’t seem to crawl out of it either?
I’ve noticed one amazing thing about myself and other writers who claim to want to write more than anything else. Something odd takes over, and we fill the free time of our lives with all kinds of non-writing activities. We reach for things that make us feel good, that quell any anxiety we might be feeling, or at least keep us occupied.
What fills our lives–what quells our anxiety–can be either positive or negative. The activity we choose can be either a pacifier or a catalyst.
Activities that fall under the heading of “pacifiers” are things like mindless TV viewing, complaining about the sad state of publishing to all your writing friends, eating mass amounts of comfort food, surfing the Net, playing video games, or shopping till you drop.
Nothing good (for your writing career) comes from any of those activities. They serve simply as pacifiers, something to make the whining, fretful baby in us be quiet. But are we then any closer to our writing goals? No, not at all. We’ve simply passed some time–writing time that we can’t get back.
As I asked in the opening, what if you’re tired of your non-writing rut, but you can’t seem to crawl out of it either? What can you fill your free time with instead of a pacifier activity? Why not try a catalyst instead? It’s your choice. A catalyst is a springboard for change, something that nudges you in a better direction. The next time you feel anxious about your writing and want to fill your time with something to soothe the fear, why not try a positive change agent?
Activities that fall into the catalyst category might include:
We all feel anxious sometimes to the point of being stuck. That’s okay. Just be aware that there are activities that only pacify the fear (and waste your time)–but there are also enjoyable activities that can act as catalysts to get you writing. Choose the activity that is going to propel you forward, not help you stagnate even further.
We all have our favorite catalysts. Mine include reading inspirational writing books or writing articles I’ve saved over the years, Skyping with another author about writing issues, or watching a movie about authors (like Becoming Jane, Cross Creek, Finding Forrester, Finding Neverland, or Miss Potter).
What is your favorite pacifier–and what’s the effect on your writing? On the positive side, what is your most helpful catalyst and its effect on your writing? Please share some ideas that work best for you.