retreat

Day 4, England, May 12

Published on by Kristi Holl

Despite no rain in the forecast for two days, it feels like time to settle in today and do some solid writing. (But yes, I’ll take “walk breaks” today.)

I’ve received a few questions about the cottage I’m staying in for three weeks. This is my third time here, and it feels like home. Here’s a tiny guided tour through The Old Brewhouse on Constitution Hill!

The kitchen, dining area (which is my writing spot), and the living room are on the ground floor. Downstairs is the bedroom and bath and a door out to the private garden and laundry room (watch your head!) Pretend you’re opening the front door and walking in…

Day 3, May 11, England

Published on by Kristi Holl

Day 3: my walk with Julia…

I met Julia Chapman five years ago, and she’s become a dear writing friend. This morning she took me up into the “bluebell woods” (Wharfe Woods) near the village of Austwick, where she lives.  https://www.yorkshiredales.org.uk/be-inspired/what-to-do/the-yorkshire-dales-in-spring/ We saw dozens of lambs, bluebells, wild lavender orchids, yellow cowslips, ivory primroses, wild garlic, and other wildflowers. (It’s absolutely stunning what a well-watered countryside can produce—no offense to Texas.)

From the bluebell woods:

Writers are the same on both sides of the pond, and we talked nonstop all things publishing. It was such a joy to see Julia again. Her books are for sale everywhere, including the beautiful local Limestone Books bookstore.

Stone bridge several hundred years old…

Wild lavender orchid

Primroses

A stile built of stones projecting from the drystone wall

See the little lamb behind me with its mama!

Lots and lots of little bleating lambs…my favorite thing!

Stopped in a pub/café on the way home and found this in the “loo”!

England: Day 2, May 10, 2023

Published on by Kristi Holl

I took three walks today, just to get reacquainted with the village and buy food. (England has the BEST gluten-free bread!) Photos today include a few historic buildings in the village plus the surrounding hills, limestone crags, fields with new lambs, drystone walls zigzagging uphill, and everything so GREEN! Everywhere you turn, something is blooming in flower boxes, hanging baskets, and tiny gardens. Enjoy!

Left: Gallery on the green: this phone booth has been converted into a local art gallery. I don’t know how often it changes, but at this time, it features a book by a writer/historian I know here. 

Below: Old street sign pointing to neighboring villages and the way to London! Embedded into a stone wall on what must have been a main thoroughfare several hundred years ago. 

I never get tired of this view: the stunning hills (fells, they call them), and the sheep. Lots of new lambs! [The third one is a poor sheep with its head caught in a traffic cone!]

And now…some of the flowers! 

Resting and Reflecting Before Re-Aligning

Published on by Kristi Holl

Since I last posted regularly, I’ve written three books (two adult mysteries and one juvenile nonfiction book), traveled, and been sick. The holidays blurred by, to be honest, because one of the book deadlines was December 20th. Two days ago I finished the second adult mystery.

One good thing about being sick is all the time you’re forced to be still: in waiting rooms, in recovery at home, in the night. Quiet time. Thinking time. Evaluating time.

HIATUS

What should happen when you take a hiatus from your regular life? [Hiatus = time off.] Among other things, I disappeared from my blog, newsletter and social media. I dropped out of several things at church for a while, and–this was the hardest–had to say ‘no’ a lot to my girls regarding babysitting my grandchildren.

An article, sustainable trauma recovery: taking a hiatus boosts MOTIVATION, by Robyn Mourning explains a healing process well. Her three-point recovery plan included rest, reflection, and getting re-aligned. A hiatus can be months away from your normal routine, or a week off, a weekend, half a day, or an hour long.

How should you spend your hiatus, if you want to feel the full benefits?

REST

Rest: take a breather, relax, stretch, just be.

At first, this was all I could do. I sat…on the couch, in bed with a book, in the backyard swing, down the trail by the pond. I wasn’t even thinking much. Not reading either. Catatonic mostly. Sometimes I walked rather zombie-like, appalled at how winded I was just walking! (I won a 5K race in my age group two years ago.) The walking and stretching helped get rid of the headaches and backaches from sitting too long. Being in nature is also very healing for me.

REFLECT

Reflect: become aware of your progress, what you’ve done so far, notice any big or small shifts that are providing hope and fostering resiliency.

I knew I was making progress when I wanted to read again and could focus and stay awake to read. I had a stack of fiction books (over 20) and nonfiction books (25) that had piled up this past year, unread. I also began to reflect on how I had managed to get myself into such a situation so that I didn’t repeat it.

Most of the problem was that I had scheduled myself with no margin at all last year. If NOTHING extra had come up, there wouldn’t have been a problem. But lots of extra things did occur, and being sick so often wasn’t on my calendar either. It was one of those “life happens when you’ve made other plans” kind of years. No one’s fault. My planning wasn’t wrong, but it had been unwise in the extreme not to build in any margin.

RE-ALIGN

Re-align: get re-aligned (or strengthen your alignment) with your unique purpose, your values, your goals.

Upon resting and reflecting, I realized there were a few important things I had let go of when things got so busy. One was proper exercise and sleep. One was time with friends. Another included a couple family members I lost touch with. So it was then time to re-align. I used a couple of tools for this.

One tool was the book Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy, which is new. It came with many, many free online resources, including an excellent test which shows what parts of your life are working well–and which parts you’re drifting in, just trying to keep your head above water without being sucked down by the undertow. It pinpointed two more places I’d let slide without realizing it. Doing the Life Plan has helped me get my values re-aligned with how I spend my time.

The other book that is helping me get re-aligned is When the Body Says NO: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection by Gabor Mate, M.D. It has been eye-opening, not at all what I expected. I’m still learning from this one.

REST. REFLECT. RE-ALIGN. You’ll be glad you did. 

The Necessity of Solitude

Published on by Kristi Holl

Women are givers. Women writers are some of the most giving people I know.

We tend to have stronger relationships because of it–with babies, grown children, friends, and extended family.

But unless you learn how to balance all this giving with replenishment, you’ll find it nearly impossible to write.

Gift from the Sea

It has been a particularly busy family time the last two months, with little sleep and too little time to write. I wouldn’t go back and change any of it either–very rewarding times. But there comes a time when you realize you’re close to being drained. Pay attention to those times, or you’ll pay for it later (in your health, in your lack of writing, and in lack of patience with those around you).

This morning I was reading a bit in one of my favorite little books, Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s book, Gift from the Sea. I re-read it at least once a year. Here are a few snippets that might speak to you giving women:

  • What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives. It leads …to fragmentation. It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul.
  • Eternally, woman spills herself away in driblets to the thirsty, seldom being allowed the time, the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim.
  • Only when one is connected to one’s own core is one connected to others, I am beginning to discover. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be refound through solitude.
  • One must lose one’s life to find it. Woman can best refind herself by losing herself in some kind of creative activity of her own.

Is That You?

If you find yourself feeling fragmented and agitated today, find a way to steal away from everyone for even ten minutes of total solitude (and if possible, silence). Breathe deeply. Bring the energy spilled on everyone else back inside for a few minutes. Re-focus. Relax.

If you have a couple hours, get a copy of Gift from the Sea and read straight through it. You’ll love it!

And tell us your favorite way to find solitude–whether for a day or just a few minutes. We all need suggestions for this!

A Writing Retreat with Friends

Published on by Kristi Holl

Retreat… Just saying the word is soothing.

While it is taking some planning and shifting of events, I believe I’ll be able to carve out two or three days for a personal writing retreat. Given the price of gas and hotels, though, I’m looking seriously at Judy’s ideas for how to do a retreat at home. (I’m referring again The Writer’s Retreat Kit: A Guide for Creative Exploration and Personal Expression by Judy Reeves.)

Adding Friends

After I do a mini retreat on my own, I’m thinking about trying one early in the new year with a writing friend or two. This quote from her book is what got me to thinking:

“For some of us, much of the joy of going on a writing retreat comes from spending time with other writers. Who else truly understands our need for solitude, our particular quirkiness, our mutterings and frustrations, our joys and disappointments? Who else speaks our language and comprehends the nuances of our silences? Other writers are our creative soulmates, kindred spirits, members of the same tribe. Not all writers, mind you, but those particular few whom we’ve come to know and love and trust with our tender hearts. Going on a writing retreat with a few chosen others, or a single best writer-friend, can deepen our connection with one another and with our writing.”

Doesn’t that sound heavenly? What about you? Is there a favorite writer-friend that you’d enjoy having along for a mini retreat of one day or two?

Nuts and Bolts Practicalities

If you had it at someone’s home, it wouldn’t have to cost anything. Retreaters could even go home to their own comfy beds at night. Retreating from 9-5, with plenty of time for writing exercises, solitude, journaling, talking, eating, walking (and writing on your novel if you felt so moved) would be a rejuvenating experience with the right people.

I’m going to give this some thought and see what my writing friends think!

A Writing Retreat Re-Defined

Published on by Kristi Holl

Last weekend I spoke at a writers’ conference, and my last talk was on self-coaching and self-care. If no one else got anything valuable from the talk, I did.

I realized as I preached about self-care for writers that my own had slipped badly. That was part of the reason I was talking armed with cough drops and hot tea with honey.

I needed some time apart to get rejuvenated. I needed a retreat.

I Don’t Have the Time or Money!

Most of us have preconceived ideas of what a “writer’s retreat” would look like for us. Anything outside that box (we think) just wouldn’t fill the bill. A cabin in the woods–alone. A week at a convent–alone. A long weekend at a hotel with room service–plus writing friends in adjoining rooms. Everyone has an idea of the perfect writing retreat. And that’s often why our internal response is, “But I don’t have the time or money for that.”

So, if that’s your situation, what do you do when your body and mind scream for a retreat? Dig into The Writer’s Retreat Kit: A Guide for Creative Exploration and Personal Expression by Judy Reeves, author of A Writer’s Book of Days. She challenges writers to think of retreats in other ways–and thus to see the possibilities around us to create such retreats. Her themed retreat ideas can be for a weekend or scaled down to a few minutes, depending on what time you have available.

Make a Mental Shift

Chew on this quote for the weekend and see what you come up with.

Much as I believe that the idea of a writing retreat will always include Time Away Alone (I expect secluded mountain cabins or pri­vate, distant seashores will also remain in our writer’s mind’s eye), I also believe it is possible for each of us to create other, less extensive writing retreats that can refill and restore us, that can be containers enabling us to produce new work and to open us to creative expres­sion and that allow us to dip into the solitude we need to communi­cate with our inner selves.

  • Consider that a writing retreat is not necessarily a place, but a concept.
  • Consider the word retreat not as a noun but a verb.
  • Consider time not as a measure in length, but in depth.
  • Consider the idea of being alone not as being distant from people but as not allowing others to intrude on your solitude.

Get Practical and Make It Happen

In other words, let loose all those old ideas about what is nec­essary for a writing retreat to be “real,” and open your mind and heart to another way of giving yourself this gift of self-care. Get out your notebook and begin listing retreat ideas that last fifteen minutes, an hour, half a day, and a weekend. Brainstorm ideas that range from free to a trip to a European hide-away, if that’s your dream retreat.

Then choose several ideas and put them on your calendar as important appointments with your writer self. I added one ten-minute retreat idea to my daily routine this week, and I’m loving it. That tea and pumpkin spice candle does it for me.

How about you? Do you have mini retreat ideas you could share?

Let's All Say "Ahhhhhhhh…" and Retreat!

Published on by Kristi Holl

Even when life is going well, the writing pressures, the marketing, the waiting, and the deadlines can make you dream of taking a writing retreat. Add in too many volunteer activities, caring for a baby, taking elderly parents to all their doctors’ appointments, and some days you want to run away.

Last week I mentioned a “book in a box” called The Writer’s Retreat Kit: A Guide for Creative Exploration and Personal Expression by Judy Reeves. I’ve looked longingly at it several times and read some of her ideas of creating writer’s retreats lasting from twenty minutes to several days, depending on the time and money you have available.

Madly Treading Water

This time, though, I’m not going to sigh and put the book box back. I’m going to delve deeper into the retreat idea and try some of the experiences. It’s no surprise that I’m as tired as I am–it’s been months since I could take a weekend (or one day) truly “off.” When I read the following opening page, I let out a big Ahhhhhh! I bet some of you will too. Judy writes:

Getting away: the wish and dream and fantasy of every writer I have ever known and, I expect, of nearly every writer I will ever meet, except for those rare and blessed souls who are lucky enough, or determined enough, or rich enough, to already be “away.”

What is “away”? It is someplace else. It is the place that each of us craves, and when we close our eyes, comes to us in all its wooded shadiness or vast, unending blueness. We visualize a mountain cabin; a cottage by the sea; a secret, hidden monastery; a wide-decked, win­dowed, pillowed, sweet-smelling, abundant, nurturing, solitary place where there are no “musts” or “have tos” or “shoulds.” No dishes to do or phones to answer or children/mates/partners with whom we must interact. No set time to start or stop, to wake up or go to sleep. No television. No email. No deadlines. No place to drive to. It is sim­ply a place to be.

“Away” is generally where we long to be as we arm wrestle the elements of our daily lives to make time for our writing and for that private and soulful part of us that we long to be with but so often set aside.

Getting Rid of False Guilt

It is not that we don’t love our lives; we do. Mostly. And we love the people in our lives — family and friends — and the work we do that allows us to afford the lives we mostly love. But sometimes it’s a little too much for a little too long.

What we want is to get away for a little while. We don’t want to just go on vacation, but to a place we go alone, or maybe with a few like-minded souls who also want to be alone, but in an alone/together way. To renew and refresh and explore and create and refill. To retreat. And to write.

A writing retreat.

Maybe it will be a place you rent. Maybe it will be a free picnic table in a park. Maybe it will be your own backyard swing.

The inner pressure is building. I’m about ready to run!

Retreat Time: Is It Possible?

Published on by Kristi Holl

While recovering from an illness I picked up simply (I believe) from being exhausted, I was going through my favorite writing books.

One caught my eye and created an instant longing: The Writer’s Retreat Kit: A Guide for Creative Exploration and Personal Expression by Judy Reeves. It’s like a writer’s retreat in a box, with ideas for one-hour retreats, half-day retreats, weekend retreats and longer. They can be retreats at home or far away.

Retreat: a Definition

Among other things, the author wrote:

A writing retreat isn’t just about the time spent writing. Perhaps equally important as the time spent writing is the time given over to nourishment… For many writers, a retreat is a time for reconnecting with nature, for long walks in quiet woods or beside a restless seashore, for rowing on a lake or canoeing on a river. We long for a soundtrack of birdsong or trickling creek, for the lazy sway of a hammock beneath a shading tree, for a rocking chair on a generous porch, mint tea, a glass of wine or fresh, sweet water within reach. We want someone to bring us lunch. A retreat is a quiet place (except for the birds or maybe the profound purring of cat on lap), and when the time is right and good and when we are ready, it is writing.

Since I have met all five writing deadlines (some book length, some not), I am seriously considering giving myself the “gift of time” that such a retreat would take.

Pressure to Write

I’ve only gone on one writing retreat, and during that time, I felt the pressure to write continually. I had no one to cook for, no Internet connection, no one needing me for anything. It wouldn’t be like that when I returned home, so I felt much pressure to write, write, write!

But oh! A retreat without pressure or guilt? Wouldn’t that be heavenly? It wouldn’t have to be expensive–or even cost anything at all. I live near a pond and greenbelt area to walk in, I have a porch with a swing and three rockers, and I can fix the tea.

It’s the time that will cost me–time away from people and expectations and deadlines. It would be having the guts to say “no, I can’t,” when I’m home and free. Right now, I can barely fathom what it would feel like to retreat like this and not write until I really felt called back to it.

But oh! What an idea! I think I’m going to take a serious look at my calendar!