Make Good Use of Your (Over)Reacting Habit

“10 Habits of a Successful Writer” was the article title in the writer’s magazine. Same old, same old, I thought, intending to skip over it. After all, I knew the rules by heart: write every day, write what you know, write first in the day, etc.

Then I glanced at the actual list of writing habits, and none of those “rules” were there. Instead I saw things like “the habit of rehearsal,” “the habit of ease,” and “the habit of reacting.”

I was hooked.

The article by Donald M. Murray (writing teacher and Pulitzer Prize winner) was a reprint of a 1992 article. On “the habit of reacting,” he wrote:

“I am aware of my reaction to my world, paying attention to what I do not expect, to what is that should not be, to what isn’t that should be. I am a student to my own life, allowing my feelings to ignite my thoughts… I notice my writing habits, and from that grow this article. I see signs for a house tour, feel an unexpected anger at the smugness of those who invite tours into their homes, and end up writing a humorous piece about an imaginary tour through a normally messed-up house, ours. I have taught myself to value my own responses to the world–and to share them with readers. I build on my habit of reacting.”

Value YOUR Reactions

This jolted me!

I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to curb my reactions. Because of my personality, I tend to react quickly (instead of stewing quietly), have strong opinions about everything and everyone, and think I know how to fix everybody and every injustice I see. (“Oh, Kristi, calm down,” is a phrase that always annoys me.) Obviously, for the sake of my relationships, I’ve had to learn to keep most of my critical opinions to myself and stop trying to fix people and situations, many of which are none of my business anyway.

But try as I might, the inner opinions and reactions don’t stop. Sometimes I think I will pop a cork if I have to keep quiet one more minute. (Literally, I leave the room sometimes to get a grip on my mouth.) While all this is well and good–and necessary for peaceful relationships–I think it’s had a negative effect on my writing.

I was discussing this with a writing friend–the problem I was having infusing enough conflict into my novels lately. Everyone had become so “nice.” Few strong opinions were expressed by my characters anymore, and they mostly kept their feelings hidden. I found them boring and, for the first time in my writing career, I was abandoning projects half-finished.

The Habit of Reacting

My personality type will probably never stop reacting, but after reading this article, I decided to write down all the strong reactions I have to people and things and situations. Instead of biting my tongue till I implode or get a headache, I write in my “reaction journal.” In it I say what I really feel and think about the events of my day.

Later, when appropriate to a plot, I’ll let my characters react! They’ll say the things I’m thinking behind my bland tolerant smile. They’ll say the things I no longer feel are right or necessary to say to people inhabiting my real world. It will keep conflict out of my relationships, but add it to my characters and stories where it will do some good.

I am beginning to understand why Julia Cameron (of The Artist’s Way fame) says, “Keep the drama on the page.”

Writer Diagnosis: Failure to Thrive

“Psychologists have begun to speak of what is perhaps the largest mental health problem in our day. It is not depression or anxiety, at least not at clinical levels. It is languishing—a failure to thrive.”

~~John Ortberg, The Me I Want to Be

We usually associate this languishing “failure to thrive” with newborns. But we adults can languish in our health, our careers, our marriages (or just about any endeavor). But today I want you to look back over 2013 at the health of your writing life.

Do a Check-Up

What is the health of your writing? Would your writing career be diagnosed as suffering from “failure to thrive”? Is it languishing when you want it to be flourishing?

Some symptoms of languishing might include:

  • A loss of hope and meaning
  • Absence of mental and emotional vitality
  • Weariness of soul
  • Inability to delight in your writing life
  • Feeling an inner deadness

From Languishing to Flourishing

The opposite of those symptoms would include feeling hope, having mental and emotional vitality when you write, being energized by your writing, delighting in your writing life, and feeling “alive” when you are able to get in the flow!

That would define “flourishing.” [Note that I didn’t define flourishing by the number of contracts signed or the size of your royalty checks. Those things make individual days more fun, but they have little to do with overall flourishing as a writer.]

The Missing Ingredient

What if you are starting out 2014 as a weary, languishing writer? Is there anything you can do about it? How do you get from the “languishing” side of the equation over to the “flourishing” side?

You find it in the word “nourish.”

The equation goes like this: Languish + Nourish = Flourish

To be honest, if you are truly languishing in your writing life, it will take lots of nourishing of your writer’s soul to move into flourishing. But the nourishing is FUN! And once you are flourishing with hope and energy again, the nourishing falls more into the daily nurturing and maintenance of your writing life.

  • Some of you need physical nourishing: more sleep, better nutrition, some solitude.
  • Some of you need mental nourishing: a good novel or movie, a trip to a museum.
  • Some of you need spiritual nourishing: prayer, meditation, a walk in the woods.
  • Some of you need emotional nourishing: hugs from kids, a phone call to a friend.
  • Some of us could use nourishing in all four quadrants now and every day.

Take Stock

Flourishing as a writer doesn’t just happen. Life happens instead. And it depletes your energy—all four kinds.

Don’t settle for a languishing writing life in 2014. Make flourishing one of your goals instead! Examine what areas of your life need nourishing, and make a plan to include that nourishing. (Remember: nourishing is FUN!)

Where are you on this continuum?

Languishing —> Nourishing  —> Flourishing!

Where would you like to be? Begin to make those changes today.

And please leave a comment! If you are flourishing now, tell us the nourishing things that got you to that point. If you’re languishing, hopefully some comments will give you ideas to try. Do NOT settle for a diagnosis of “failure to thrive.” Choose to flourish instead.

A Writer's HAPPY New Year

I finished my 2014 list of goals and exchanged them with a writing friend. We have been doing this for several years. This year, though, making my list (and reading hers) left me exhausted and depressed.

Not the “happy new year” feeling I was going for!

What was wrong? Both lists included so many good ideas! There were things to eliminate (wasting time online, blood sugar crashes from junk food) and things to add (a marketing course, write another e-book).

It sounded like a year long “to-do” list.

Turning Resolutions Upside Down

Then I read a devotional by Elizabeth Crews which included the following:

Almost without exception, all the usual resolutions we make on New Year’s Day are macho, austere, and instantly depressing. Most of our resolutions only succeed in casting a grey pall over the brand New Year. Midnight strikes and we vow to lose twenty pounds, or rise an hour earlier every day in order to master some new work-skill. We promise ourselves we will give up chocolate, or TV, or fats, or carbs—and then suddenly we realize that a whole year of doing without stretches out ahead of us.

But what if we looked at the New Year as a sea of possibilities? What if we resolved to relax more, or sleep more, or play more? What if, instead of resolving to shed ten pounds, we look to add five new friends? In other words, what if we resolved to be more of what we can be, instead of resolving just to be less of what we already are?

How can we apply this positive, even fun, principle to a writer’s new year’s resolutions?

Fueled By Possibilities

I took another look at my 2014 goals. There wasn’t one single fun thing on the single-spaced, two-page list.

Even though I preach all the time about building in renewal time, I rarely do it. I keep thinking I will, when “life slows down.” I realized this week that I have been saying this literally for decades. Several decades, actually.

If not now, when?

A 2014 Resolution Do-Over

I am going through my goals list again. I am adding goals geared toward renewal. I have quite a number of speaking engagements this year. I need to build in several trips–even just day trips–that are pure renewal.

I have a long list of writing and business books I want to read, and a speed reading course I plan to take so I can get through them. But I need to add a list of fiction books (including favorites to slowly re-read) as part of my renewal time.

While the calendar is still fairly blank, I need to pencil in renewal time: an extra day after speaking at a conference for rest, lunch with friends I’ve lost touch with, a special movie, and other things that I find renewing. Your list will be different, but if you don’t make one NOW–and add it to your calendar–the time will get away from you.

Do It Now!

If you don’t fill in some of the blank squares on your 2014 calendar yourself, others will fill them all in for you. Guaranteed.

So take some time and make sure the things on your goals list will help you have a HAPPY new year, and not just a productive one. The nice thing about that is, happy writers ARE more productive writers.

A win-win situation. So this year, have yourself a truly happy new year.

In Your "Write" Mind

Do you think about what you’re thinking about?

You should!

Controlling Toxic Thoughts

I’ve been reading a lot lately about current brain research and the huge impact our thoughts have on our creativity, our health, and how we use our gifts. I highly recommend a couple of fascinating books by Dr. Caroline Leaf called Who Switched Off My Brain? (Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions) and The Gift in You (Thomas Nelson Publishers). I couldn’t put either one down.

But Then What?

Let’s say you’re already convinced that your thoughts are critically important. Perhaps you’ve believed for a long time that as a man thinks, so does he become. Maybe you’ve even noticed that you think some pretty rotten and discouraging thoughts from time to time!

Is it enough to just stop thinking those negative thoughts? I don’t know-but I doubt that it’s possible. Even if it were, a totally blank mind isn’t much help to a writer.

Truth Wins Out

Studies have shown that you need to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, but it does no good to lie to yourself.  You could stop telling yourself, “I’m such a rotten writer” and start saying instead, “I’m the best writer in the country!” But you’d know inside that (a) it’s not true, and (b) you don’t believe it. It wouldn’t change anything.

The goal is not to  replace a wrong thought with a silly or happy thought. You replace them with affirmative, true, real thoughts.

And that’s where Eric Maisel’s Write Mind comes in. [The subtitle is 299 Things Writers Should Never Say to Themselves (and What They Should Say Instead).] As he asserts, “You want to write more often and more deeply… To meet these goals, you must improve how you communicate with yourself.”

Some of his “right mind/write mind” ideas are humorous, but there’s a lot of truth in them too. “My hope is that you can learn to think right,” Maisel says. “I hope you can learn to say, ‘I wrote an awful first novel and now I’m starting on my second novel’ instead of, ‘I wrote an awful first novel and that proves I’m an idiot.'”

Listen to Yourself

When you’re struggling to write or deal with disappointing writing news, what kinds of things do you say to yourself? Is there something else you could tell yourself that would lift you up instead of push you deeper into a depression? For starters, let me give you a few of Maisel’s 299 suggestions. I hope you will then either buy his little book or make your own personalized list.

  • Wrong Mind: “I need what I am writing to be loved.”
  • Right Mind: “I need what I am writing to be strong.”
  • Wrong Mind: “Somebody has the answer and if I take enough writing workshops I am sure to happen upon the answer.”
  • Right Mind: “I learn to write by writing and I learn to market by marketing.”
  • Wrong Mind: “I can’t describe things.”
  • Right Mind: “I should practice describing things.”
  • Wrong Mind: “I haven’t written for six months. That must mean that I will never write again.”
  • Right Mind: “I am very ready to write after six months of not writing.”

How’s YOUR Mind Today?

Learn to distinguish your right thinking from your wrong-injurious thinking. You can be your own worst enemy here–or your own best friend. It’s your choice.

If you’re feeling very brave, leave a comment below with one of your “wrong mind” statements and then a better “right mind” statement you intend to tell yourself from now on! Here’s mine: “I’m too tired to write” changed to “I can write ten minutes!”

Course Corrections

I recently read that the trajectory of the successful Apollo moon rocket was “off course” 90 percent of its flight–and yet…

It still reached the moon!

How did that happen?

  1. Scientists acknowledged the deviations from the expected path.
  2. They repeatedly made the necessary course corrections.
  3. They achieved an adequate (though not perfect) trajectory to the moon.

Scientists made a major breakthrough in space exploration by sticking to the mission in spite of numerous setbacks.

How’s Your Trajectory?

What does the moon mission have to do with writing? Well, I was looking at my 2013 yearly goals over the weekend, and like the Apollo mission, my trajectory is off course–and has been most of the year. Earlier I made enough course corrections to help, but over the summer (with the addition of two new grandbabies) my trajectory got way off!

In the past, my strategy for reaching goals has been to first make them, then get waaaay behind or detoured, then either (1) give up on the goal, or (2) make drastic course corrections to force myself back in line.

The drastic course corrections usually happened when I had a deadline with a publisher. For example, the original goal of “hitting the moon” might have been to write five pages per day for four months. Not hard. However, after procrastinating or just dealing with “life issues” for two months, I would panic, course correct my goals, and commit to writing ten pages per day to meet the deadline. That writing schedule worked until Day Four when an interruption kept me from the keyboard.

What’s the Answer?

Now, right there, an Apollo scientist would have re-figured the goal, spreading out that minor missed day of writing over the coming weeks. But I tended instead to let one day of failure slip into two or three. Denial is a great place to live–as long as you can stay there! But eventually panic sets in, and you are forced because of the deadline to re-figure your trajectory. By now, though, you have to write 15-20 pages per day. Every day. No days off.

Panic and adrenaline can manage it, to the detriment of your health and the quality of your writing. How much better off I would be if I followed the successful Apollo mission method instead.

Keeping Track

Here is where the idea of a spreadsheet would be a benefit. The very day you fall behind your goal, you could re-figure your daily word counts. One day’s lost writing, spread out over the coming weeks, would barely be noticed. Regaining your trajectory (your deadline) would take very little extra daily effort. And if, every single time you got off course, you re-figured and kept moving, you’d also hit your target.

We need to learn to be resilient. (I have been telling myself this all month.) Every time we have a setback or surprise, we need to recalculate. A setback requiring a course correction might come in the form of being sick yourself, having a child needing extra help, unexpected company arriving, you name it! Life is full of things that cause setbacks for writers. Any number of things can get you off your trajectory.

We may not be flying to the moon, but we can learn a lot from this successful Apollo mission that was off course most of its flight. We need to pay attention to our goals and our progress, be aware when we’re off course, and make those corrections quickly. This skill is a part of the successful–and sane–writer’s life.

What Type of Writer Are You?

Do you ever wonder if you’re a REAL writer? If you have doubts, it might be because you have a bad case of the “shoulds.”

Symptoms of the “shoulds” include:

  • You should write first thing in the morning.
  • You should write daily.
  • You should keep a journal.
  • You should write down your dreams every morning.
  • You should have a room of your own and be organized!
  • You should write for publication.

These can all be great ideas for someone. I adhere to many of them myself. But…what if some of the “shoulds” just go against your grain? Are you not a real writer then? What if you write best after 10 p.m. instead of first thing in the morning? What if you start journals repeatedly and never last more than three days? What if you can’t remember your dreams? What if an organized office makes you freeze and you secretly prefer writing in chaos?

Are you a REAL writer then? YES!

What Am I Exactly?

If you struggle with your identity as a writer–if you don’t seem to fit the mold no matter how you’ve tried–you would love The Write Type: Discover Your True Writer’s Identity and Create a Customized Writing Plan by Karen E. Peterson.  

This book takes you through exercises to find the real writer who lives inside you. You’ll explore the ten components that make up a writer’s “type.” They include such things as tolerance for solitude, best time of day to write, amount of time, need for variety, level of energy, and level of commitment. Finding your own personal combination of traits helps you build a writer’s life where you can be your most productive and creative.

Free to Be Me

To be honest, the exercises with switching hands (right brain/left brain) didn’t help me as much as the discussions about each trait. I could usually identify my inner preferences quite easily through the discussion. It gave me freedom to be myself as a writer. It also helped me pinpoint a few areas where I believed some “shoulds” that didn’t work for me, where I was trying to force this square peg writer into a round hole and could stop!

We’re all different–no surprise!–but we published writers are sometimes too quick to pass along our own personal experience in the form of “shoulds.” You should write first thing in the morning should actually be stated, It works well for ME to write first thing in the morning, so you might try that.

What About You?

Have you come up against traits of “real writers” that just don’t seem to fit you? Do you like to flit from one unfinished project to another instead of sticking to one story until it’s finished and submitted? Do you need noise around you and get the heebie jeebies when it’s too quiet?

If you have time, leave a comment concerning one or two areas where you have struggled in the past with a “real writer” trait. Let’s set ourselves free from the tyranny of the shoulds!

Wise Words: Persistence in Writing

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Nothing.

So today I’m bringing you three recent posts on the topic of persistence in writing. Each article approaches the subject in a slightly different way. All are though-provoking and encouraging.

So if you’re thinking of quitting, read these articles first. You just might change your mind!

 

Talent, Passion, and Discipline

As a writer, don’t ever under-estimate the power of self-discipline. Talent, passion, and discipline are needed–but the greatest of these is discipline.

Best-selling author Elizabeth George speaks to this point on the first day she faces her students in her creative writing classes. Study this quote from her book, Write Away–and read through to the zinger at the end.

“You will be published if you possess three qualities–talent, passion, and discipline.

You will probably be published if you possess two of the three qualities in either combination–either talent and discipline, or passion and discipline.

You will likely be published if you possess neither talent nor passion, but still have discipline. Just go the bookstore and pick up a few ‘notable’ titles and you’ll see what I mean.

But if all you possess is talent or passion, if all you possess is talent and passion, you will not be published. The likelihood is you will never be published. And if by some miracle you are published, it will probably never happen again.”

Be Encouraged!

This is great news for all writers, I believe. We worry sometimes that we don’t have  enough talent, that we have nothing original to say, that our voices won’t attract today’s readers. But as Ms. George says above–and after writing and teaching for thirty years, I totally agree–discipline is what will make you or break you as a writer.

Why is this good news? Because self-discipline can be mastered, bit by bit, day by day, until it’s a habit. Talent is a gift over which we have no control, and passion comes and goes with our feelings and circumstances. But your necessary ingredient to success–discipline–can belong to anyone.

Do whatever you have to do to develop the writing habit. Let that be your focus, and see if the writing–and publishing–doesn’t take care of itself!

The Writer's Holiday Household

Because so many of us on the Holiday Writing Challenge are dealing with juggling our writing and multiple holiday events and jobs and families, I decided to run an older article today on “Household Have-To’s.” I think during the holidays it is especially appropriate.

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Families: what would we do without them? Writers want to keep up with their homes and families, yet also write, but there just doesn’t seem to be enough time. Maintaining our homes (even if we have no Martha Stewart aspirations) and keeping our families fed and clothed can consume so much time that the would-be writer finally throws up her hands and shelves her writing dreams for “later,” when there will be more time.

“Later” won’t come. Sad, but definitely true. There is only now, and without making some household changes, there won’t ever be time to write. As seasons come and go, your chores and responsibilities will change, but the time to write won’t magically materialize. You have to make it appear.

Planned Procrastination

Like many new writers, I didn’t think I could sit down at the keyboard unless the dishes and laundry were done, the carpet vacuumed, and the children happily entertained with Play-Doh. I had tried writing before polishing off these household chores, but the anxiety and guilt got the better of me. And, of course, since I felt guilty, I must be doing something wrong. Right? So I returned to my “work now, play later” philosophy, washing dishes during my prime creative time and writing late in the day when I had no energy left. Not until years later, when I realized writing was also work, did a paradigm shift occur. Then I finally put household chores in their place.

Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Write Where You Live, says, “If you can put household chores in their proper place–something that must be done eventually–you can make and stick to a writing schedule that works for you. Do what needs to be done as it needs to be done, then do it as efficiently and effectively as it needs to be done and nothing more.” (Unless your mother’s coming to visit.) She called it “planned procrastination.”

Does It Have To Be Done?

How do you decide what has to be done and what doesn’t? It’s a personal decision, but look critically at how you spend your time. Are you working around the house doing things no one ever notices (rearranging the photos, painting daisies on all your flower pots, alphabetizing books by author?) Then stop it. In most families, spouses and children notice when there’s no food to eat, no clean clothes to wear, and you’re out of shampoo. Pretty much everything else is optional.

So decide what is critical to you, then stop doing everything else. Personally, I need the house picked up before I can work, but dishes in the sink can wait. You may be the opposite. Experiment. Try leaving certain jobs undone while you write–or undone altogether–and see what really bothers you and what doesn’t. Perhaps you were raised to mop the kitchen floor every Saturday, so you’ve done it for years. You may discover once a month suits you fine, with mini wipe-ups between times. Remember the purpose of the experiment: time saved is time you can spend writing. 

Organize!

If you organize your household have-to’s, you’ll find more time to write. Do you run errands several times per week and wander around stores trying to remember what you need? Then combine your trips into one morning, make lists before you leave home, map out an efficient route, and easily save yourself several hours per week. If you have a choice, run those errands in off-peak times. Save at least an hour each week by not visiting banks, Laundromats, pharmacies, post offices and grocery stores in the evenings, on weekends, or just before closing time.

Consider boxing up or throwing away all your clutter gathering dust. Clear off desks, kitchen counter tops, bathroom counters and cabinets, coffee tables, and dressers. Cleared surfaces are faster to dust and make you feel in control of your home. File or trash the clipped recipes, old medicines, and past issues of anything. Put away appliances you rarely use, like the bread maker, juicer, blender, and toaster oven. Make space to work. Then appropriate that saved time to write.

Supper Time!

Food shopping, preparation and cleanup are NOT one of the household have-to’s you’ll be allowed to skip. So streamline and enlist help. Put a grocery list on the refrigerator and insist that everyone add his requests to the list in writing. (No more of this “Hey, Mom! We’re out of…”) If it’s not on the list, you don’t buy it. Train family members to add items to the list when they use the last of it. As soon as your kids have drivers’ licenses, make grocery shopping (with the list) one of their chores. (It pays off! My oldest daughter met her future husband this way. He was her carryout boy for a year before he actually carried her off.)

Streamline your cooking too. If your children are too small to help, then fix double or triple portions when you cook, and freeze a meal or two. Why spend two one-hour periods cooking two meals of meatballs, when you can cook that amount in one hour, freeze a meal, and use that saved hour for writing? If your children are ten or older, they can take turns cooking and cleaning up afterwards. My children, from ten on, were assigned one night per week to cook and do dishes. (That way the sloppy cooks had to clean up their own messes afterwards.) There are great kids’ cookbooks, and my children enjoyed trying new things. If they wanted to cook something special, they added those items to the grocery list.

We All Live Here

Anyone who lives under your roof should be helping with chores. Even the youngest child can pick up toys. Elementary children can make and change their beds, take out garbage, do dishes, vacuum, and fold laundry. Older children and teens can grocery shop, scoop snow, wash cars, and mow the lawn as well. Rotate the chores as much as possible. No one enjoys cleaning bathrooms, so make everyone take a turn. “Many hands make light work,” my grandma always said. And she was right.

After you decide which chores really need doing, schedule those tasks according to your inner clock. Don’t waste your most alert hours sweeping floors and washing dishes. If you’re mentally sharp in the mornings, write first. If you’re brain dead upon awakening, clean toilets then–and write late at night when your muse comes out of hiding. I have found, after writing a couple hours, that washing dishes or sorting laundry makes a good break–and is unfun enough to prod me back quickly to the keyboard!

You own your house. Don’t let it–and its tasks–own you. Take a hard look at your current household have-to’s, and see where you can cut or streamline. Make the changes. Then spend that “found” time writing instead.

Writing During the Holidays

Writing is a challenge in the best of times. During the holidays, the challenge is monumental.

Monumental–not impossible!

About forty of us are writing through December doing a Holiday Challenge. Even so, we can use all the help we can get.

Help is Here!

With that in mind, enjoy these articles, all about helping you keep your writing momentum going, even through the holidays!