Lies We Writers Tell Ourselves and Others

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: writing

liesI’ve tried very hard and written consistently during this summer, making good use of the time I’ve had between visiting company, having grandchildren overnight, taking trips, and attending birthday parties.

And that statement is a big FAT lie.

It’s a lie I’ve told myself this summer. And it’s a lie I’ve told others. Truthfully, I haven’t made very good use of my time at all. If the first statement were true, I would have much more to show for my writing time this summer.

Fooling Ourselves

Sometimes the lies we tell ourselves have a big enough “grain of truth” in them that we’re only guiltily aware that we’re stretching that truth. Honestly, I did put in quite a few hours per week on my book idea, but not nearly as many hours as I pretended. On the other hand, sometimes we know that we’ve stretched the truth to such an extent that it’s close to snapping like a rubber band.

Why do we do it? And more important, what can we do to stop lying and actually become productive with our hours?

I was pondering that question when I came across a post by one of my favorite “habits” bloggers, James Clear. I’ll quote a bit below, but then I hope you’ll click over to his full article if this portion describes you as closely as it has me this summer.

Stop the Lying!

We often lie to ourselves about the progress we are making on important goals.

For example:

  • If we want to lose weight, we might claim that we’re eating healthy, but in reality our eating habits haven’t changed very much.
  • If we want to be more creative, we might say that we’re trying to write more, but in reality we aren’t holding ourselves to a rigid publishing schedule.
  • If we want to learn a new language, we might say that we have been consistent with our practice even though we skipped last night to watch television.

We use lukewarm phrases like, “I’m doing well with the time I have available.” Or, “I’ve been trying really hard recently.” Rarely do these statements include any type of hard measurement. They are usually just soft excuses that make us feel better about having a goal that we haven’t made much real progress toward. (I know because I’ve been guilty of saying many of these things myself.)

 

Why do these little lies matter?

 

Because they are preventing us from self-awareness. Emotions and feelings are important and they have a place, but when we use feel-good statements to track our progress in life, we end up lying to ourselves about what we’re actually doing.

Practical Answers

truth liesUnless we distinguish between truth and the lies (and half-truths) we tell ourselves, we won’t make a lot of writing progress. That “honest introspection” comes first. Then, after admitting the truth, we can pursue solutions.

James Clear’s article gives you some examples of what he uses for solutions. On Friday, I’ll share with you something I found that has turned my productivity around and provided the self-accountability I needed. Maybe it will help you as much as it’s helped me!

 

How Does Your Talent Grow? (Or Can It?)

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: writing

Related imageIs your amount of God-given writing talent a fixed quantity? We often hear that it is, but that you can study and practice to improve your writing skills. If that’s true, how would you respond to this email?

“I know that publishing has changed drastically, but I don’t want to self-publish, and I don’t want my first book to be an e-book. I want to hold a published (by a traditional publisher) book in my hands. I’m willing to work hard—very hard—to improve my craft, and I’m willing to market, but I only have so much talent. Do I even have a chance of landing a traditional publisher?”

Award-winning songwriter Irving Berlin knew that while talent may first separate you from others, the advantage it gives doesn’t last long. “Talent is only a starting point,” Berlin said. “You’ve got to keep working that talent.”

Working that talent? Berlin sounds as if he’s saying that we all start with some talent–but there’s something we’re supposed to do with it. After 35 years of writing and 27 years of teaching writing, I have to agree. At least, my own experience supports the idea that our bit of writing talent is more than a given attribute, like our height or bone structure. It’s something we can work with.

Okay, but what do we do with it?

Where You Focus Matters

John Maxwell, motivational speaker, often talks about finding your “strength zone,” or the areas you excel. He says the majority of people don’t do that. Instead, they waste time focusing on strengthening their weaknesses instead.

For example, I can write short nonfiction very quickly, and little rewriting is needed. I also have a talent for plotting good mysteries. On the other hand, I can’t write a poem to save my life. It would be silly for me to spend a large amount of time trying to write verse novels or picture books. Instead it makes more publishing sense to follow Maxwell’s advice and get even better at what I already do well.

Increase Our Talent? Really?

Most of us believe that we are born with a certain amount and type of creative talent that is fairly fixed. We know we can practice our writing skills and improve, but talent seems as constant as having blue eyes or big feet.

But are you truly stuck with a certain amount of talent, and you just have to make do with it? Or are there ways to maximize whatever God-given talent you might happen to have? Maxwell says there are thirteen ways you can make the most of your talents. For writers–for anyone–that’s good news! Choose one of these ways today, and use it to help your talent grow.

  1. Belief lifts your talent.
  2. Passion energizes your talent.
  3. Initiative activates your talent.
  4. Focus directs your talent.
  5. Preparation positions your talent.
  6. Practice sharpens your talent.
  7. Perseverance sustains your talent.
  8. Courage tests your talent.
  9. Teachability expands your talent.
  10. Character protects your talent.
  11. Relationships influence your talent.
  12. Responsibility strengthens your talent.
  13. Teamwork multiplies your talent.

Get Started Today!

Many writers compare themselves to others and feel as if they were on the short end of the stick when talent was distributed. Even so, there are things you can do to help it grow. In changing publishing times, this is good to know.

Which one of the ways above can you choose to implement today? And then another way tomorrow? I challenge you to take each attribute and focus on one per week–and watch your talent grow in the coming months.

Finding–and Maintaining–Passion for Your Writing

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: writing

“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality…Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where do you get this enthusiasm? It comes from having passion for your writing.

How does a writer act who is passionate about his writing? He can’t wait to get up in the morning and get started. He is eager and energetic. This comes from loving what you do, and doing what you were born to do or feel called to do. Feeling this passion for your writing keeps you going. Even on our most frustrating days, quitting is no longer an option. When you’re passionate about your writing, perseverance is almost a given.

Sounds like heaven! But how does a writer achieve such euphoria?

You need the answers to two main questions:

  • How do you develop passion for the most important areas of your life?
  • How do you maintain that passion during the inevitable tough times?

First: Find It

Are you doing what you really want to do in your writing career? Are you doing it at least part of the time? (I know that for most of my writing life, it was half and half. Half the time I was writing what I really wanted to write–fiction usually–whether it sold or not. The other half of my writing time went to work-for-hire projects, teaching, speaking or whatever brought guaranteed income.) Ask yourself: Am I truly doing what I want to do?

If you’re not skilled enough to do the work you’d love to do, make time to educate yourself so you are. While maintaining your current job (either outside the home and/or raising children), do whatever it takes to prepare for your dream writing jobs. It’s very difficult to create the passion for doing something you don’t want to do or a job you are “settling for” because you don’t feel skilled enough to do what you’d really love to do.

Do whatever you need to do to overcome those lying voices in your head that say you’ll never be good enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not whatever enough. Read inspirational books, read author biographies about how they got started and grew as writers, and say “no” to whatever is eating the time you need to study and read and write. My favorite way to “change my brain” is through Caroline Leaf’s online 21-Day Detox program, which I have used for several years now. 

Second: Maintain It

Passion for your writing makes your days fly by (in a good way). It helps you get more done in less time. That being true, it deserves whatever time you need to keep your writing passion alive. If your passion for writing dies, then writing just becomes another drudge job.

So how can you maintain passion and enthusiasm every day? First–and maybe most obvious–is to spend more time actually doing what you love to do. What is your pet writing project, the one that may never sell but you love it? Spend more time each day working on it. Even if it’s only an extra fifteen minutes or half an hour, it will remind you why you love to write.

Another key to maintaining passion for all your work is to keep a close eye on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. For example, I gave up sugar a couple years ago after being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. For a gal whose blood type is Hershey’s, that was a big deal for me. But more and more, sugar was making me sick and sluggish and sleepy. It was affecting my work–both the output and how I felt during work time. I don’t miss the sweets now, but during the first thirty days, I might have mugged you for your candy bar. What does that have to do with writing? It’s about maintaining passion. I don’t feel passionate about anything–including writing–if I don’t feel physically well. 

Tricks of the Trade

I know I’m not alone in trying to find and/or maintain passion for my writing on some days (or during certain seasons of life). Feel free to share (here or on Facebook) some tips for how YOU maintain your writing enthusiasm during fluctuating times!

7 Habits of a Highly Effective Writer

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: goals, habits

“In writing, habit seems to be a much stronger force than either willpower or inspiration.” ~~John Steinbeck.

For several years, I’ve had a list of “The Seven Essential Habits of a Working Writer” scribbled on a scrap of paper and pinned to my bulletin board. I had copied the list from a book by author Jim Denney, who said, “Habits are constant. Inspiration is variable—it comes and goes. That’s why habits are better than inspiration. It is habit, not inspiration, that builds writing careers.”

I want to elaborate on that list, explaining why each habit is important—and how to implement that habit in your daily writing life.

A Writer Writes

You must begin to think like a writer—and that will lead you to acting like a writer. Then you’ll build the habits of a writer—and eventually you will get to enjoy the benefits of being a writer.

Seven Essential Habits of a Working Writer are:

  • Write Daily
  • Cultivate the Art of Solitude Amid Distractions
  • Write Quickly and With Intensity
  • Set Ambitious But Achievable Goals
  • Focus!
  • Finish What You Start and Submit What You Finish
  • Believe You Can

With all of these writing habits firmly in place, you can’t help but succeed!

Habit #1: Write Daily

Writers write. It doesn’t get more basic than that. If your dream is to be a full-time writer someday, you’ll need to develop the habit of writing every day. Habits are powerful, and once writing becomes as habitual as brushing your teeth, your productivity will go through the roof. And more writing translates into better writing. It takes practice like any other skill, and cliché or not, practice makes perfect.

Grab the Time

If you’re still working at your day job (whether outside the home or at home with children), you’ll find it more difficult to carve out a daily writing time. If that’s your situation, you must learn to grab whatever bits and pieces of time you have available. (I know this system works. I wrote my first five middle-grade novels with a newborn, toddler and preschooler underfoot—writing in tiny blocks of time like this.)

Here’s how it goes. Let’s say you have a story or book to write, but you don’t have big chunks of free time. Instead you make a commitment to grab just ten or fifteen minutes every day to work on it. Everyone can carve fifteen minutes out of each day to make some progress. You make a commitment to yourself that your head won’t hit the pillow for the night until you’ve spent at least fifteen minutes on your project. Those bits of time add up. Just fifteen minutes a day is 91.25 hours in a year—more than two full 40-hour work weeks.

It’s All in Your Head

The second reason this principle works is that it keeps your head in the game every day. You don’t just need time to write. You need head space that is free, even if it’s only one tiny corner of your brain reserved for thinking about your writing. If you don’t do it every day, other things quickly intrude and finally crowd out that head space reserved for your writing. Then you have to start over every few weeks or months when you get back to your project.

With writing for fifteen minutes each day, you never lose momentum or have to waste time trying to remember where you left off and who the heck this character is. Writing daily makes each fifteen-minute session its most productive and effective.

Like most of us, once you get rolling, the fifteen minutes often turns into much more if you’re not interrupted. It will build a great daily habit so that when you do have more time—maybe even eventually going full-time—your daily writing habit will already be cemented into your routine.

Procrastination a Problem?

Working writers have to be self-starters. If you have trouble doing even fifteen minutes a day, you’ve probably got a procrastination problem or writer’s block. For several articles on such challenges, see the ten articles in Writer’s First Aid on “Getting Started.”

Habit #2: Solitude Amid Distractions

Solitude is the best preparation for writing, and being alone to prepare one’s mind to write is lovely. But it’s not always possible, and you don’t want to be dependent on being alone in order to write. If I had decided I must have total “alone time” to write, my career would have been delayed at least a decade (until my youngest child started school).

Instead, develop the second habit of working writers—and cultivate the art of solitude amid distractions.

The Ideal versus the Real

Some writers have solitude all day long. Someday, after the kids are grown, or you quit your day job, or you get an assistant to handle your PR and marketing, you might have solitude without distractions. Frankly, though, that is NOT the life of 90% of writers. However, if you work at it, it’s possible to develop the feeling and benefits of solitude even when surrounded by people and interruptions. Rather than trying desperately to create a silent outer environment for yourself, it’s more practical and helpful to develop a kind of solitude, or quiet inner space, in your mind. That “room of your own” may need to be within, at least in the beginning. 

The Eye of the Hurricane

I wrote with small children in the room or nearby for many years. I stopped if they truly needed me for something, but often they were content to play in the same room or the play room by my office. Still, even when children are playing amicably, there’s lots of noise.

You have to find ways to enter the eye of the hurricane, so to speak, that spot in the middle of chaos where it’s still and you can hear yourself think. It isn’t second nature to us, but it can be done. As Isaac Asimov said, “We must find our solitude within. Regardless of the noise and distractions that swirl around us, we must be undistractable.”

Change the Things You Can First

To help yourself find that quiet place inside where you can concentrate on your writing amid distractions, be sure you’re first doing all you can to minimize the interruptions. There’s no point in wasting energy overcoming something that you could simply get rid of. Some distractions you can quickly eliminate. For example, if the Internet is a big lure, close down your email and get off line instead of mentally fighting the lure of Facebook and YouTube videos. (I remove my laptop—the computer with Internet access—to a completely different room while I write.) For many more practical ideas, see “Dealing with Distractions” in Writer’s First Aid.

Finding your calm center takes practice, but it can be done. I wrote my first novels with small children around, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way either. They were both my joy and my inspiration. I didn’t want to remove myself from them—but I needed to be able to work within the chaos too.

Start to practice now. To begin, write just five minutes at a time. Your ability to concentrate—and find solitude amid distractions—will grow.

Habit #3: Write Quickly and with Emotional Intensity

Many writers tell me their goal is to write full-time, to either make a living at it or to supplement their family income. For that to happen, you must move from being a hobbyist to being a “working writer.” You will need to write with two things simultaneously: speed and emotion.

Two-Part Goal

First, let’s talk about speed. It has to do with momentum, with pushing yourself to get the words written. Professional working writers almost all write quickly, moving forward with their drafts instead of stopping continually to re-read sections or obsess over details or revise the same section several times. Just get your first draft down as fast as you can.

You’ve heard about being “in the flow” when writing. It’s that marvelous time when you’re writing with speed and intensity and lose track of time as the words pour out. It’s difficult to reach this “flow” state where you’re lost in time if you constantly jerk yourself out of the story and go back to something previously written. When writing a rough draft, keep moving ahead.  This will help you streamline the writing process to make the most of whatever writing time you have.

Emotional Intensity

The second factor in Habit #3 is intensity. What difference does it make if you write with passion or power? For one thing, it gets you involved in your story or message and helps create that “flow state”. (Hint: choose a topic that you truly care about.) Also emotional intensity makes a powerful impact on the editor who reads your work. (Hint #2: if you don’t feel the intensity while you’re writing it, the editor won’t feel it when he’s reading it.)

Emotional intensity reaches readers—and they spread the word in good old-fashioned word-of-mouth advertising (or new-fashioned word-of-mouth via Facebook and Twitter.)

If you’re able to write fast, but you feel you lack the emotional intensity he’s talking about, get to know your own passions better. (For help with identifying your skills and passions, see the inventory called “Getting to Know You…” in Writer’s First Aid.)

Habit #4: Set Ambitious but Achievable Goals

 “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” ~~Thomas Edison

Goal-setting is a must-have habit if you want to be a working writer, someone who is going beyond the hobby stage in writing. Time and again it’s been proven that you increase your chances of achieving your goals immeasurably if you write them down and post them in a prominent spot so you read them frequently.

Break these written goals into long-term, mid-term, and short-term objectives. Long-term goals (write a bestseller, sell a series) define what we hope to eventually achieve. Mid–term goals describe specific projects we are working on right now (under contract or with our own self-imposed deadlines.) This includes deadlines for completing them. Short–term goals define the daily and weekly tasks we must achieve (write five pages daily, mail three queries by Friday) in order to reach our mid-range goals. Note: these are your production goals, and without them, your other goals will NOT be reached.

Give yourself permission to dream big. Your goals need to inspire you. As Andrew Carnegie once said, “If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.” I will say it again: dream big!

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

One of the biggest problems with goal-setting is that we tend to write the goals down and never (or rarely) look at them again. If they aren’t in the forefront of your mind, they’re so easy to forget.

Jack Canfield (co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books) suggests re-reading your goals out loud three times a day. As you do, close your eyes and picture each goal as if it were already accomplished. Keeping the idea fresh in your mind greatly increases your chances of following through to achieve your goals.

How can you remember to do this? You might put your goal list on a pack of cards you can carry with you. Or…“Put a list of your goals in your daily planner or your calendar system,” Canfield advises. “You can also create a pop-up or screen saver on your computer that lists your goals. The objective is to constantly keep your goals in front of you.”

Begin Now

I’d encourage you to take time and write down at least one long-term, mid-term, and short-term goal. The short one needs to support or help you achieve the mid-term goal, and both goals need to support your long-term goal. As you work through these “seven essential habits for working writers,” apply the habits to your written goals.

Habit #5: Focus!

All the previous habits won’t help much if you can’t focus on your work when you sit down at the keyboard. Each previous habit, however, will help you focus.

For example, if you don’t sit down daily for at least fifteen minutes to write (Habit #1), you lose track of your story. You lose the focus after a long break and often have to start over. Setting short-term measurable goals (Habit #4) creates a series of small deadlines, allowing you to just focus on today’s tiny portion to accomplish. And learning how to concentrate amid distractions (Habit #2) will help you zero in on today’s task.

Ready, Aim, Focus!

I used to have a camera with a focusing lens. By rotating the lens barrel, I could focus on the child in the foreground, or the dog sleeping in the background, or the mountain in the distance. As I focused on each separate thing, the other parts of the picture went out of focus.

Writers must be able to focus like that with their manuscripts, both to avoid being overwhelmed and in order to get the job done. We must be able to focus on big things in the background (like the plot or character emotion arcs) or things in the middle (like making sure each scene has the necessary dramatic elements) and close-ups (tightening this paragraph, writing a cliffhanger chapter ending.) If you try to focus on and fix everything at once, you’ll feel overwhelmed and freeze.

Need Some Help Focusing?

We live in a society that bombards us with information, demands, and media overload to add to personal schedules already full with family, day jobs, and all the things that add up to very busy lives. Being able to focus can be a real challenge.

First, figure out what is keeping you from being able to focus. Quite often it’s a simple thing. Perhaps the noisy neighbors in the apartment above you keep you from sleeping well or being able to concentrate. If so, buy a white noise machine, set it to crashing waves or rainfall, and turn it up until it drowns out your neighbors.

Maybe you can’t focus because your writing desk is covered with piles of things to do: the unfinished query to a magazine, the unfinished story for the contest, bills to pay, a writing magazine to study, and the note that says “BUY INK TODAY!” You can’t focus on your writing because you keep feeling like you should be doing something else. If so, clear your desk of the piles. Put them in the closet or on a bookshelf in plastic stackable trays. Get them out of your eyesight so you can focus on the writing task at hand.

Make a list of all the things (personal and professional) that you feel are hampering your ability to focus. Then set about dealing with each and every one.

Habit #6: Finish and Submit

Habit #6 is “Finish What You Start and Submit What You Finish.” Sounds pretty obvious, doesn’t it? If you want to become a working writer, either part-time or full-time, you have to finish your manuscripts, submit those manuscripts, and keep on submitting until they’re sold.

Unfinished Business

I know a couple of very fine writers who may never submit the novels they’ve been polishing for years. They endlessly fuss and obsess over their manuscripts. And it’s a real shame because those novels are wonderful. At some point, you need to say, “It’s finished!”

One caution: if you become careless, you might not do the necessary polishing that deep revisions call for. You might settle for a good enough manuscript, but not rise to the excellence you’re capable of. It makes no sense to spend weeks, months or even years writing a book and then, when finishing, to produce and submit a careless effort. Pay attention to detail. Do you very best right up to the end.

Finishing strong is something great athletes learn. Finishing strong is something writers also much learn.

It’s Finished—Then What?

Study the markets. Find publishers who publish the type of book you’ve written, and make a list. Research online to make sure the publishers you’ve listed are legitimate. (Just Google “XYZ Publisher scam” and “XYZ Publisher complaints” to find out.) Make sure you understand the difference between traditional publishers (who pay you) and vanity presses (who expect you to pay them to print your books.)

Make a list of at least half a dozen publishers where you could submit your manuscript. And when it comes back—all writers get some rejections—you send it out again. And again. That’s what working writers do!

Habit #7: Believe You Can

This last of the essential habits of a working writer might be the toughest one for you: Believe You Can.

Every writer doubts his ability at some point—and many successful, much-published writers deal with doubts about their writing abilities every single writing day. Those successful writers know a secret though.

They feel the doubt—and write anyway. That’s what they decide to do: sit down and write, whether they feel like it or not.

Act As If

Don’t wait until you have confidence in yourself to start writing. It simply doesn’t work like that. The confidence—the feelings of “Hey, I can do this!”—comes AFTER you start writing. Feelings follow behavior, not the other way around. Only when you act like a writer, will you truly feel like a writer. Writers write. Writers show up at the page and stay there, putting down one word after another. And at the end of each writing session, they believe a little more strongly that they can be writers. (For more help in this area, see “Who’s in Charge?” and “Voices of Self-Sabotage” in Writer’s First Aid.)

I hope you’ll keep this list of seven writing habits posted where you can see it—and read it—often. “Without these habits, how could you do anything but fail?” Jim Denney asks. “But with all of these habits firmly in place in your life, you can’t help but succeed.”

I couldn’t agree more. That’s the power of daily habits!

[Reposted from here.]

Inner Critics: Valuable Editor or Time Waster?

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: attitudes, Creativity, emotional balance, expectations, time management, writing challenges

Writers are opinionated people.

Our brains never seem to stop. We criticize because we “know” how things and people should be. This “critical editor component” of our personality is absolutely invaluable to the editing and revision process. If you can’t spot what’s wrong with a manuscript, you can’t fix it.

However, this same critical ability can cause writers to actually lose focus, allowing their writing hours to slip away with little or no work done.

Think About It

Many of us go through our daily lives with our internal critic or editor in charge. We don’t see the person right in front of us as he or she is (which may be perfectly fine.) Instead, that person reminds us of a demanding boss or an ex-spouse, and we “see” characteristics that aren’t there. Or they remind us of a forgiven (but not forgotten yet) event. Stress!

Conversely, we think the person in front of us is “supposed” to be kind and supportive (or whatever our inner definition of the perfect parent/spouse/child/sibling). And yet many such relationships are anything but, leaving us hurt and upset because they should be supportive. More stress! Life rarely satisfies a person who lets the “shoulds” run his life.

Do we spend our time “shoulding”? We don’t see a child who is happily singing at the top of her voice. (That child should be quieter in the store!) We don’t see an interesting shade of purple hair. (That teenager should resemble a middle-aged adult instead.) We don’t see the predator or user sometimes either–because trusted family members shouldn’t be such things. Our “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” color everything we observe.

Change Your Perspective

Our inner editor sometimes keeps us from seeing what’s in front of us. We are constantly “revising” the facts. So what’s the problem with that? You can’t accept–and get peace about–what you can’t honestly see or face. You stay stirred up–a condition rarely suited to being creative. Sometimes the simplest solutions evade us because we’re all riled up inside.

It reminds me of a story (you may also be familiar with) about “The River and the Lion:

After the great rains, the lion was faced with crossing the river that had encircled him. Swimming was not in his nature, but it was either cross or die. The lion roared and charged at the river, almost drowning before he retreated. Many more times he attacked the water, and each time he failed to cross. Exhausted, the lion lay down, and in his quietness, he heard the river say, “Never fight what isn’t here.”

Cautiously, the lion looked up and asked, “What isn’t here?”

“Your enemy isn’t here,” answered the river. “Just as you are a lion, I am merely a river.”

Now the lion sat very still and studied the ways of the river. After a while, he walked to where a certain current brushed against the shore and stepping in, floated to the other side.

Control What You Can: Yourself

We also can’t gain peace of mind and the ability to focus unless we’re willing to give up trying to control everyone and everything in our environment. We spend entire days fuming and fretting over situations or people we can’t change or control, wasting precious writing and study time.

We need to save our judging skills for revision time and critiquing. We need to save our control freak behaviors for finagling with our characters’ actions. And you may as well give up having to convince people you’re right, while you’re at it. Letting go of those three things (judging, controlling, being right) will give you more inner peace faster than hours of yoga and meditation and mind-altering substances.

Start Right Here, Right Now

Think about something that is currently keeping your mind in knots to the point that you can barely write. Chances are that you are judging someone’s behavior, or trying to figure out how to control a situation, or having mental conversations in which you prove to that stubborn person how right you are. (I know this from personal experience in case you think I’ve been reading your mail.)

Letting go of criticism and control is freedom. For the writer, it means hours and hours are freed up for reading and writing. Just for today, let grown people and situations be what they are. Let them work on solutions for their own problems–or not. Turn all that “should” energy on your own work. [Often the Boundaries for Writers that we need to enforce are those we set on ourselves!]

At the end of the day, you’ll have something great to show for it!

Age: Are You Too Old to Write?

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: career planning, Uncategorized, writing life

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?”  –Satchel Paige

I had a blog reader last week mention that she was probably too old to start writing. I’d like to debunk that myth.

It’s never too late to get started.

It’s always a good time to tackle a new dream.

 

What’s Age Got To Do With It?

Jessica Tandy won the Academy Award for Best Actress at age eighty. James Michener didn’t write his first novel until age forty-two, then produced a gazillion bestsellers before he died at age ninety. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s first Little House book was published when she was 65. There’s a woman in my neighborhood who can out-run me, and she’s at least seventy. I started biking a few years ago (that’s me in the picture), and while my no-frills bike (foot brakes, one speed) marks me as old, I can pass younger people going up hills. 

Youth isn’t everything–not in physical endeavors, nor mental ones.

Certainly not in writing!

Experience Rules!

Become comfortable with your current age, even if it’s not what you wish it were. You have tremendous writing potential because you’ve lived long enough to have learned a lot. You have life experience! By now you’ve been in the workforce in one career or more. You’ve raised children–enough material there alone to last a lifetime.

Like Wilder, one of my writing students in her late 70’s wrote beautifully about her childhood experiences. She was stunned when she easily sold her remembrances that editors labeled “historical fiction.” She chuckled that one reviewer praised her “extensive research” because she never did anything more than mine her own memories.

Time’s a-Wastin’

If writing and publishing are aspirations for you–but you’ve come to it later in life than others–please don’t let that stop you. If you come to the end of your life, will you be disappointed that you didn’t try? I think you will.

You have the same qualities that drive younger writers: creativity,  perseverance, and a passion to succeed. While you may not have as much energy, you probably have a much larger pool of ideas and experiences to draw from. You may also have more time to choose what to do now that children have grown and flown the coop.

Don’t be afraid to start something new at any stage of life. Chances are good that, if you apply yourself like any other writer, it’s not too late to succeed.

The People Around You: Well-Poisoners, Lawn-Mowers, and Life-Enhancers

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: critique groups, family, writing

The blog post earlier this week, Conversations Crucial for Creative Success, generated more private email responses from people than any post I’ve written in years.

Some readers told about overcoming the negative impact of verbal put-downs by parents and other family members. Some blog readers found people in their lives to lack reciprocity: no willingness to make room for a writer’s dreams if it cost them any of the writer’s time or attention. A couple people described the most supportive critique groups imaginable–and their “make or break” value to the unpublished writer. (I would add that they are just as critical after being published. The challenges are different then, but just as tough.) 

It Takes All Kinds to Make a World

After reading the posts, I went digging for a quote I had read somewhere. It was something the late Walt Disney said:

“There are three kinds of people in the world. First, there are the well-poisoners, who discourage you and stomp on your creativity and tell you what you can’t do. Then there are the lawn-mowers, people who are well-intentioned but self-absorbed. They tend to their own needs, mow their own lawns, and never leave their yards to help another person. Finally, there are life-enhancers, people who reach out to enrich the lives of others, to lift them up and inspire them.

Walt had his share of well-poisoners and lawn-mowers in his life, but hopefully, he had plenty of life-enhancers too. His creativity produced some of the best-loved movies my kids grew up on and my grandkids still enjoy. 

Be Selective

The words of others do have an impact on us, whether positive or negative, so be aware of this. As much as possible, limit the time spent with the doom-and-gloom naysayers in your life (or don’t share your writing dreams with them).

You will know, after a few attempts, which people will support you and who will deflate your dreams. Protect your dreams at every stage of your career from those who, for whatever reasons, are discouraging.

On the flip side of this coin, make a concerted effort to find supportive friends. It doesn’t always have to be another writer who understands “writing issues,” but someone who will simply encourage your dreams. If you find an encouraging writer–or joy of joys, a whole critique group of writers!–consider yourself blessed. Hang onto them for dear life.

Weeding and Feeding

One of the quickest ways to weed out the negative well-poisoners, I’ve found, is to agree with them. “Yes, you’re right! Very few people make a living by writing novels, but I’m still going to try.” [SMILE] “Yes, you’re right. My routines have changed. Now I use my best time in the morning for writing and use my tired brain time later in the day for housework.” “Yes, it’s quite possible that my first sale was a fluke and it won’t happen again. But I love to write, so I’ll keep writing anyway.”

For the lawn-mowers in your life, who focus on their own needs but don’t notice you’d like some help too, it’s easiest to just ignore them. Drop your expectations that they will notice your need and volunteer. Make your writing plans independent of them. If you have small children, write when they sleep or trade babysitting time with another mom or write while the kids have swim lessons. Make plans to carry out your goals as if it only depended on you–because in the end, it does.

For the life-enhancers, the best way to find them is to be one yourself. Go to writing events. Join online writing groups, like the free NaNoWriMo events or those for your special type of writing. (e.g. Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, Mystery Writers of America, Romance Writers of America, American Christian Fiction Writers, Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.) Join critique groups, or form one yourself.

People for Your Inner Circle

When you meet other writers, encourage them in their writing attempts. Granted, a small number might turn out to be well-poisoner writers. Thankfully, they are few and far between. More will be lawn-mower writers, those who want and need and welcome your encouragement, but don’t give much back.

Hold out for the life-enhancer type of writer, someone who won’t just take encouragement, but give some back as well. These are your keepers. These are the writers you want in your inner circle. These are “your people.” Then you can have those “crucial conversations” needed for your creativity.”

 

Conversations Crucial for Creative Success

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: Creativity

conversationsResearch indicates that the average person has about 50,000 conversations with himself a day. (I bet writers do it even more!) Most of that ruminating is about yourself, and according to the psychological researchers, the inner self-talk is 80% negative.

While much of the negativity comes from criticizing ourselves (I don’t like my new jeans… They don’t like me… I can’t ever seem to get organized…), a lot of the negativity we sensitive creatives feel is picked up from other people. We tend to take on the emotional states of other people–and if they’re negative, it impacts us.

Kinds of Conversations

I found three great articles on the types of conversations we have and the impact on us as creative people.

  • “Are Invisible Conversations Preventing Your Success?” tells us about the invisible conversations we’re often in without knowing it, especially the kind where we’ve picked up on someone else’s bad mood. This type of invisible conversation is called “emotional contagion.” It can be especially detrimental to creative people. This includes the YouTube videos watched, the online news, and the ranting political diatribes on websites (including Facebook). Pay serious attention to the general emotional states of the people you surround yourself with because they foster invisible conversations. These things can play a major role in helping create or (destroying) the mindset needed to do your writing.
  • “You Become the Network You Hang With“ had this to say in the second half of the article: “When my first book was published they told me they [my friends] could also publish a book if they had time. When I suggested they would have time if they quit going to the pub and watching so much TV, it was made clear they did not tolerate such talk…I started to see real progress when I made a new network. When I sought out people who were a positive, nurturing influence. People who would help me up rather than finding ways to knock me down.” [This is called a “crab bucket mentality.”]  “Rather than hold me back my new network expanded my horizons, expanded my opportunities, and expanded my reach.”
  • “The Introvert’s Guide to Making Great Connections“ had this to say before giving his “guide” recommendations: “People will tell you that meeting and mixing with others – networking, hanging out, socializing, tribe-building, whatever you want to call it – is a vital part of the path to… something. Greatness, maybe, or creativity. Perhaps just contentedness…Honestly, I haven’t found that to be so. In fact, I find most of the connect-y, conference-circuity, business-socializing stuff to be vacuous, painfully false and a waste of time.” He goes on to say what kind of conversations work for introverts–and what happens between conversations.

Your creativity is impacted (positively or negatively) by the kinds of people in your life and the conversations you hear. This is of vital importance to writers and other creatives.

If you have another tip for dealing with it, share that too! I personally find that prayer and devotional reading can get my mind back on track fairly quickly. What things work for you?

Choosing Not to Care–At Least, Not So Much

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: priorities, writing challenges

“Doing our best has limits,” says Richard Swenson, author of Margins. “Our rush toward excellence in one quadrant of life must not be permitted to cause destruction in another.” Those who go “all out” for success in one area – even writing – risk failure in other important areas of life.

The tug of war happens when we are trying to be excellent in so many roles: writers, parenting children and grandchildren, caring for elderly parents, neighbors, church members, and more. It can be overwhelming!

From Stuck to Unstuck

The sense of being overwhelmed can quickly solidify into being stuck. We want to get off the merry-go-round, but we feel stymied in our attempts to do so. We often can’t see the forest for the trees. Enter a lovely little book called Simple Acts of Moving Forward: 60 Suggestions for Getting Unstuck by Vinita Hampton Wright. As she says, when you have too many things on your plate, “Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to just not care so much about how something will turn out.”

It’s all right to set your own priorities. It’s all right not to care about some things–no matter WHO thinks you should (including me). Why? Because if you care deeply about everything, you’ll burn out now and live an exhausted life.

And exhausted writers have a terrible time writing.

All on Your Shoulders?

Often we feel like everything is up to us. Sometimes, though, it really isn’t. Even with those projects or jobs that are totally up to you, they may not really need to be done (like kids’ big birthday parties.) Or they can be done with help (like moving it to a McDonalds Play Place). Only you can decide what things really matter to you.

As Ms. Wright says, “You can decide what is most important, what is next in importance, what you can take or leave, and what has nothing to do with you. Others may think you should care, but it’s not their job to decide what your priorities should be.” (This includes your writing! NO ONE else gets to decide where it belongs on your list of priorities!)

What To Do

What can you do if you’re sinking under responsibilities that choke out your writing time? Ms. Wright advises, “If you are overwhelmed, find one thing to stop caring about and stop caring right now.“

I have some things I need to stop caring about, and some things I can stop caring so much about. For example, this week I wrote up the minutes of a meeting at church, but there was no need to take 90 minutes to do it. Proofreading is one thing, but revising and rewording things several times was a waste of what could have been writing time.

A few years ago, I had to stop caring so much about family dinners for the holidays. Living on the farm in Iowa, everything was homemade from scratch, and much of what we ate was also homegrown. Moving to a city down south, and getting older, meant those cooked-from-scratch meals for the extended family were taking more time than I wanted to give at the holidays. The change was hard, but now I have no problem fixing huge frozen lasagnas from Costco’s!

Whatever!

Most of all, we probably need to stop caring so much what people think about us: about how we look, about our choices in life, about our political opinions, about what we want to write, and where we set our priorities. And we need to care a lot less about other people’s opinions and preferences, and learn to live and let live a bit more.

Certainly, you want to care deeply about certain things. But caring deeply about everything–about things that don’t warrant it–will rob you of precious energy needed for your true desires. And, hopefully, one of those desires is pursuing your writing dream.

Talent, Passion, and Discipline: a Balancing Act

Published on by Kristi Holl Category: perseverance, self-discipline, Uncategorized, writing habits

As a writer, don’t ever underestimate the power of self-discipline. Talent, passion, and discipline are needed—but the greatest of these is discipline.

Best-selling author Elizabeth George speaks to this point on the first day she faces her students in her creative writing classes. Study this quote from her book, Write Away—and read through to the zinger at the end. This multi-published, mega award-winning author tells them:

“You will be published if you possess three qualities—talent, passion, and discipline.

 

You will probably be published if you possess two of the three qualities in either combination—either talent and discipline, or passion and discipline.

 

You will likely be published if you possess neither talent nor passion, but still have discipline. Just go the bookstore and pick up a few ‘notable’ titles and you’ll see what I mean.

 

But if all you possess is talent or passion, if all you possess is talent and passion, you will not be published. The likelihood is you will never be published. And if by some miracle you are published, it will probably never happen again.”

Be Encouraged!

This is great news for all writers, I believe. We worry sometimes that we don’t have enough talent, that we have nothing original to say, that our voices won’t attract today’s readers. But as Ms. George says above—and after writing and teaching for thirty years, I totally agree–discipline is what will make you or break you as a writer.

Why is this good news? Because self-discipline can be mastered, bit by bit, day by day, until it’s a habit. Talent is a gift over which we have no control, and passion comes and goes with our feelings and circumstances. But your necessary ingredient to success—discipline—can belong to anyone.

Do whatever you have to do to develop the writing habit. Let that be your focus, and see if the writing—and publishing—doesn’t take care of itself!